Smarmy Friends With Benefits…Part 2

Real swamp monster continue fictional story with made-up characters trying change outcome of a big fictional election…here also link to groundbreaking Part 1 in case you missed it..

A Conspiracy? And Smarmy Friends With Benefits…

Six shadowy figures sit around a big wooden desk, a desk so big it would seem like its owner is compensating for some other lack of size in life. The room is dark and filled with the smoke and smell from too many Cuban cigars smoked by too many sinister people.

Ratimir: “What find out from boys over at Bureau? How we help stunod Donald Jay win election?”

Co-Conspirator #1: “Comrades at Bureau come up with simple plan, say will be very effective, not be necessary to kidnap or poison anyone.”

Ratimir: “Sound like comrades at Bureau getting soft. What fun rigging election if nobody disappears in midnight or get sick from poison? What pansies at Bureau name operation?”

Co-Conspirator #2: “Sir, Operation code name is Operation Creme Sickle. Comrades say Donald Jay head look like big orange and white creme sickle. Bring some of other co-conspirators with me.”

Co-conspirator #3 (codename: Jackov): “Goud iffternuon cumrede-a Retimur. Luok furverd fery muoch tu cerrying ouout deebuleecel pluon tu rig must impurtuont ilectiun.”

Ratimir: “What he say? Where this guy come from?”

Co-conspirator # 2: “Comrades at Bureau nickname him The Chef. Very important defector from Norway. Talk like Muppet called Swedish Chef. Now deep undercover operative in greatest country in history of world. His favorite TV show is Muppets Tonight. Said he look forward to helping rig election.”

Ratimir: “Uh, okay. Who else Bureau send over to help?”

Co-conspirator #2: “Bureau send over comrade they call Count Striogi. From Romania. Keep track of rigged votes we get for Donald Jay.”

Count Striogi: “One rigged vote for Donald Jay, ahh, ahh, ahhh…two rigged votes for Donald Jay, ahh, ahh, ahhh…three rigged votes for Donald Jay, ahh, ahh, ahhh…four rigged…”

Ratimir: “Okay, okay! I get it! You count, stop doing it out loud.”

Jackov:  “Better get used tu it. He-a dues it ill zee-a time-a; he-a’s a reel peen in zee-a iss zeet vey. Nubudy it zee-a Buoreuo leekes vurkeeng vit heem.”

Ratimir: “What other puppets Bureau assign to Operation Creme Sickle?”

Co-conspirator #2: “Bureau also assign Eddie the Snitch. You might remember him as Eddie Snodun. That guy who release emails and tell secrets of greatest country in history of the world. He is…”

Ratimir: “Thought I tell you to deport crackpot; information he give too unbelievable, even for dictator as evil as me.”

The sound of fingers; small with rat-like claws can be heard furiously tapping away at a computer keyboard. Suddenly Ratimir’s computer comes to life, announcing, “You’ve got mail.” Ratimir stares at his computer screen, quietly mumbling the contents of the email to himself.

Ratimir: “Really, you lack ability to speak to people? Can only communicate using emails and text messages?” Ratimir, staring at the ceiling, his communist face now red with anger, says to no-one in particular, “Why Bureau hate me? All I need is fix election; not like it first time. Need good men, send me cast of children’s TV show and crazy computer nerd who think everyone out to get him.”

And with that pronouncement, the sixth and final shadowy figure emerges from a dark corner of the office; a figure so cold and so evil…meaner than a swarm of killer bees…even Ratimir was taken aback at the sight of this newest co-conspirator.

Co-conspirator #6: “Hi-ho everybody!”

To be continued…?



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